The Listomania I make the lists, you shoot them down. Quid Pro Quo.

138. Rihanna ft. Jay-Z – Umbrella

You know how every year there’s a song or two that seeps into the public conscious, into late night TV monologues and horrid zoo morning radio spoofs and ESPN sportscaster BOO-YAHS and goofy jokes your parents might make that would’ve made you immediately jump out of the car without a goodbye when you were in eighth grade? Doesn't it seem like they all feature Jay-Z?

Well, a good portion of those songs are total shit. They're novelties released by a singer who captivates America by maybe or maybe not being a woman (“Poker Face”), or they play well later on in the buzzed and goofy latter stages of wedding receptions (“The Thong Song”). But once in a while, when the American public, and the Grammy’s (lame), and critics, and awards shows, and the guy who picks the music they play in Gap agree on something, they actually get it right. Thus, “Umbrella”. A song written to be a hit, by three guys who are paid to write hits, positioned first on the album to be a hit. Good Girl Gone Bad came out in 2007 to pretty rapturous praise, but it’s really about one intense, perfectly compact 4:30 jam.

That drum stutter at the beginning could’ve come from The Blueprint, and when Jay stutters in himself, the song is pretty much already guaranteed platinum. But Rihanna does something that not even Beyonce succeeds in on a regular basis and trumps Jay-Z for emotion, bravado, sexy slink. Ok, maybe it's easy to trump Hova on at least one of those. Take a T.I.’s sonic architecture, Timbaland’s hi-hats, and a female artist poised to make a powerful, necessary statement, and you get a solid song that even your dad will eventually channel trip over between CCR and Journey on the radio.

And that outro. Jesus, they use the best melody on the album, of Rihanna’s career, as a total fade out throwaway. "Oh baby it's raining," and the song slowly recedes back into the pouring rain. Congratulations, American public. Pats on the back, terrorist fist bumps. You got one right.